I had nothing to be scared of. They had been helping me live for over 20 years, unconditionally and without hesitation. They would help me make my new challenge a breeze. We’d be working together, to build a better life for all of us.I stumbled up the stairs, and back into the bedroom. I took off my clothes, and got back into bed with Kelly. I held her. She was still naked. I was finally hard, no longer worried. I snuggled up to her back, put myself between her legs, and hugged her close to me. I felt so warm and content, so happy. I fell asleep, very content.Perhaps unsurprisingly, a dream came to me, a bit of a scary one. It was part of a little trip we had been doing in the late fall in Washington state.We had bought a 1982 VW Vanagon in poor shape somewhere near Portland and we were sort of drifting up the coast with it. Somewhere in its life its seats had been removed, and we had built a platform on it and threw down a little mattress. It was tight, but it made for an ok. " Hans seemed determined to sabotage the project before it got off the ground. He shook his head in the negative."Hans, Mark was there. I was there. You were not there. This is reality. Can you understand reality, the simple fact I was shot? Also, an obscenely fat San Diego cop nearly raped Mark and beat him and tried to kill us both. Look at my shoulder. Look at his poor face. We were there while you were up here guzzling vegetables."He sniffed, "Great makeup job, Mister Cantrell." You fucking idiot!" Amanda raged. That is not makeup. The swelling and all the rest are real. This is a bullet hole in my shoulder. My house in San Diego was burned to all the way to the ground. This is not a plot to suck you in."She stood. "Yes or no. Are you in or out? If necessary, I will do this as an independent. No, we. Mark and I, will do this as independents. It is not going to look too good if the great Hans Steiner stepped on his own schlong and turned down the deal that redefines documentaries..
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